Long time no see.

Jesus. Ya know when life just takes you for a fucking loop? Yeah its been one of those times....Since April the last time we spoke, and the last time I went to Payson to see all my friends and before I had a life again, I have significantly failed as a humanoid. May was off to a good start-ish. Aside from my best friend Mike leaving for the military for 5 months I was prepared to start dating...kinda and start taking care of myself. Then I crashed a fucking car. I wish I had pictures to post but I don't. The car I hit was completely dented in the rear and the car I was driving was pretty much fine aside from the radiator that was cracked and some aesthetic damage. Luckily I only have to pay 500 for the whole thing. THANK GOD.

Then I got "kicked" out of my house because well I crashed their car. Then I found out I had scabies, not the pube kind, the normal kind. And then I had some unfortunate drama between close friends. Oh and that all happened within a week. Car accident, kicked out, friend drama and scabies. Lovely. Sometimes life just hits you like a truck going 45 mph on the I-15 right by the 800 North Exit in Orem...if you catch my drift. 

Not all bad things happen though. I moved up to South Jordan with my dad...yes you all heard that right my dad. But my lovely first best friend Heidi lives just 20 mins away from me so it is awesome to have her right here. Also a good friend of mine Josh lives 5 minutes away in Riverton. But if any of you have friends up here that don't have any friends TELL ME!

The great news is that I am officially 21! YAY! Legal drinking age! WOOT. I don't honestly drink that much anymore though so its kind of whatever. Though I could kill for something to drink since I have moved up here. Loneliness and social depravity are driving me to drink and sleep more. I have been deplited of all my friends so I must make imaginary ones! Just kidding...I just play video games with my little brother all day. Anywho, this is the second blog post of today. And I haven't slept since 2 P.M. yesterday which means I have been awake for 20 hours. Buh. Good night. I love you all my sweet ekoorbians!

What Raccoons, squids and losing teeth have in common.

I hate topic sentences. That sentence right there, though complete, is not a topic sentence. A topic sentence is when the writer states the whole main idea of the essay/article of writing with the very first sentence. This would've been a more appropriate sentence: I tend to be afraid of weird things. That sentence is what I should have started with but I deleted a bunch of different ideas for an opening paragraph because it got my creative juices a-flowin'. Anyway, I am afraid of strange things. Most of my friends are afraid of things like spiders, dolls and clowns I have more absurd, irrational phobias, though spiders, dolls and clowns are creepy I don't necessarily fear them.

5. The Dark- This is pretty normal for the human race, because the dark is freaking scary. I have this unstable mind that likes to play tricks on me in the dark. As such, it is 8:05 AM and I haven't slept because it was dark and I didn't want to move from my bed. We all know that blankets are invincible against ghosts, demons, scary children and the unknown. I hate the dark. I have to have a television on or some sort of electrical hum accompanied by light and more sound, aside from white noise. That scares the crap out of me more than the dark does. Heebie Jeebies to So scared I pooped, the dark would get a solid I Just Pissed Myself.

Monsters are scary.

4. The Sound of Spiders Crunching- Everyone has a sound they hate. This is one of them. I am not afraid of spiders but I can almost never smash them because of the stupid crunching sound. It sounds similar to stepping on a golden autumn leaf on a crisp October afternoon, but instead its an ugly brown thing with 8 legs the has an bajillion eyes, bites you and invades your home when its cold or raining. Oh, did I mention that is guts fly at you as well as sounding god awful!? Yeah. Dislike. A great amount. Two thumbs down.

3. Losing teeth - I have dreams every other night about me losing my two front teeth. I wake up anxious and drenched in a cold sweat because of it. I have always feared losing my teeth. I had to get my first two teeth pulled when I was 4 because my adult teeth were growing in. My mom had to force me into the chair and then pry me out of it when they were done. I have only hit my mom once, and that was the day I pounded my fists against her chest. I had some serious separation anxiety when it came to my teeth. I still do. I brush and floss up to 3 times a day because I am just that paranoid. I also still have all my baby teeth stored in a box somewhere around here. I would leave notes under my pillow because I wasn't gonna give some strange fairy MY teeth! Who does she/he think he/she is?! GOD?! I think not.

2. Raccoons- Yes the animal. I hate them. Those little fruit stealing Mexican bandits. If you bug them they hiss at you. If you are nice to them, the hiss at you and then bite you with their rabies infested saliva and then steal your fruit. Apparently though, Raccoons like Jager. I have a few friends that got one drunk. I am glad we were not friends at that point because I FUCKING HATE RACCOONS! They are cute from a distance, they are not cute when you find them eating inside of a trash can and you have to run for your life so El Bandito won't come after you.

I couldn't find a raccoon with a sombrero so this will have to do.

1. Humboldt Squid- Let me describes these nautical monsters for you. The can grow to be 6 feet long and 100 lbs. and they flash red and white. They only live for about a year and their predators are things like sharks, sperm whales and seals. Oh, but does that effect these little guys? Nope! They have razor sharp teeth inside of their suckers that can tear up a huge animal within minutes. They also attack human divers and are known to be cannibalistic. They travel in groups on 1200 and can jump out of the water. Now you might be saying,"Brooke, these are squids, and Utah doesn't have any Squids." No Utah doesn't have any of these guys swimming around but they live off of the coast of Orange County, which is where I am from and where Disneyland is located (714 represent). Did I mention they live off the COAST...a short trek from the shoreline where normal people are. I hate them. I live in complete fear of them. I would like to eat them instead of them eating me.

Sucker teeth, looks like it from the movie "Teeth"

 
I feel like these fears aren't completely far-fetched but at the same time I don't know very many people who are afraid of an invertebrate that lives several hundreds of miles away from where I currently am. My fears when I was little were way worse though. I was severely threatened by the weather. If it was anywhere over 96 degrees I would panic. Like full on anxiety panic. My family and I visited Utah for Vacation once and it got down to 34 degrees....I panicked then too. My mom had to pump antihistamine into my system so I would pass out and forget about how I was going to freeze to death.

I also greatly feared having a heart attack. This was brought on by a show on the discovery channel where it describes this unhealthy guy's diet and his lack of exercise, then an artery strips ever so slightly and fat stuck to the walls of the artery leaving the guy with cut off circulation to his heart. Scared the ever-living SHIT out of me. I would sprint down to my parents room and have my mom check my heart beat because I couldn't feel it. I don't give my mom enough credit for the retarded crap I was afraid of when I was little.


On a different note I am not afraid of:
-Spiders
-Needles, in fact I like needles.
- Bees
- Death

Spiders do creep me out though just because of the way they move but I won't jump out of my skin if I see one. Though, centipedes....I will scream and run. I hate those guys, they are ugly and hairy and gross.
Bees are fine. I don't have any problems with bees. I have them land on me all the time and I don't fidget, they are nice logical insects. And needles aren't scary because they are usually being stabbed into you to help you not hurt you. Or for piercings and tattoos which I love.

Odd duckling or not I am glad to be back into the wonderful world of blogging. I missed it. I have a few more ideas up my sleeve for future blogs so have a weary eye!

Life since last post.

I miss this. I miss writing to the beautiful people, who are you guys. I feel like if I don't write I am actually just dying slowly in a concentration camp. Anne Frank knows what I mean. Anyways, yeah writing is good I just need some topics. So dearest loyal fans, help me come up with some blog prompts.

Happy New Years!

First blog of the new year. How does it feel you might ask? GREAT! Wanna know why? Because I made it an entire drunken night without taking any of my clothes off AND the first kiss of the new year was my boyfriend who, of which is awesome! Also, audience, boyfriend's name is Branden, he is nameless's friend. Nameless and I though are still very good friends, even to the point where I watched a needle go through his tongue tonight and I didn't even gag! It was a momentous occasion.

So New Years Resolutions. 1. Lose fucking weight. Not because other people have made comments on my weight but because I feel gross when I see myself naked, which means I don't want ANYONE, including boyfriend, to see me naked. That is not bueno. I personally enjoy getting laid.

2. Quit smoking. I don't enjoy being cold just to feed an addiction that will kill me. Point and case.

3. Only do naughty things with people I am dating. 2011 racked up my number a little bit, I am not bueno with it, so, NO MORE one night stands.

4. Get my mutha fucking hair license!! It will be 2 years since I graduated in the next november. Not bueno again.

That's basically it. Except maybe play more shows with my friend Cody Taylor. Who is an amazing musician. He sings and plays gweetar and I sing with him. It just needs to happen. I like being the center of attention when I sing :)

Bah humbug.

I like this bold print so this blog will be bold to represent my seriousness...of which is something I do not possess. Anyways, Christmas always brings out the worst in people. Like 75% of my clothing was given away by a few drug ridden douche bags that don't realize Karma is a huge bitch...believe me I know. Today I have taken the higher road to not say anything rude about anyone or anything, which is hard for me when I am angry. On the other hand I am also thinking about things in my life that need to change. First off, being more committed to everything in my life. Which includes school, not smoking and drinking less. Knowing myself it will be School, smoking one less cigarette a day and drinking more often. Either way I will be pleased. The second thing is I want to lose alllllllll the left over weight I have, even if it means I have to not eat for a week. Seriously, I am sick of it. I am not much of a show off when it comes to having a good body but its been a while since I have taken off my shirt and been completely happy with what I see soooooo I would like any surplus weight to be gone from my bodice. I would also like to be able to wear a bathing suit and not be ashamed. I am a female, I should look like one.

Have a Merry Christmas.....maybe

great.

You know how drug addicts have triggers that set them off and all they do after the trigger is touched is get high? Well I have that but with depression, and without the need to get high. Its cliche and gay and all that but the emotion is still real and annoying. Sometimes it happens though. I'll be totally fine then I am blue for a day and then I am fine again. Knowing me I usually always have a smile on my face and a chipper attitude but today feels completely different. All I want to do is stare. Just stare and think about how worthless everything is and how nothing actually matters and how life sucks. Then I think about karma and how its all my fault in retrospect. In all actuality I would rather be dead, having a whole group of friends mad at you for something you can't control kinda fucking blows. People I have known for years and know I would never intentionally hurt them find that I am a huge target to do exactly that. I don't know what to do, except end it all, but where would I go? Can't be any better than where I am in this point in my life. Whoever you are reading this, don't worry about me, I will be here tomorrow. I am always here.

Sup audience. Its been a long minute, a long minute filled with many sighs and a lot of good stories and a lot of tears. First off, I moved....again. This time it is with my dear friend/brother Daniel, my old friend Tyler, one of my best friends Jordan and then there is Anthony. We live in a small house in Provo and its pretty chill. I am also like 100 times closer to my bestie of besties Heidi. We smoke inside, and play mortal combat all day. We also have a race to the mustache. I actually have to sweep the floor because I lost and clean up an epic cat shit. ANYWAYS! I moved.
Second off, I have a job now, so I have even less time to sit on my ass and write dumb blogs about how retarded I am. My boss, incidentally, asked me out on two dates in high school and I stood him up both times because I guess I would have rather dated a black kid, and a fat asian...at the same time.
Third, my daughter turned three on the first of December and it was 3 years since I had to say goodbye to motherhood and hand that little blessing and responsibility to someone more suitable. Then I got in a tiff with a friend and a boy named nameless, and those two added up together equal not a good time. Luckily, I have a good friend called alcohol. Alcoholic or not, it makes nights go by a little faster and more fun, and Jordan just barked in her sleep....that was weird.

Now to the point of this blog. I have this ex boyfriend, his name is Alex J Peterson. He was my longest relationship, 2.5 years, which was in junior high as well. We used to write each other emails alllll the times and all the days. Sometimes they were cutesy and then some of them were myspace surveys. So I read through all of them and I realized that I have changed significantly and yet again, I haven't changed at all in the last 6 years. My sense of humor seems to be the only thing that has transitioned into adulthood, even then I don't have an "adult" sense of humor...whatever that is. My looks have pretty much stayed the same, except for maybe losing some baby fat in my face. My hair color is exactly the same. I still own half of the clothes I wore back then. Unfortunately I have zero pictures of my childhood or else I would show you. Anyways I am going to recover from a massive hangover. Piddy is how I feel.