Zelda.

If you know me well enough, you know that Link and I have a secret affair. Meaning I will ditch people to go play Zelda if I really feel inclined, which is often. At the moment I am playing Link to the Past and I am so goddamn frustrated I stopped to write a blog because I don't want to go and hang out with anyone. Why you ask? Because as much as Zelda makes me irate, the game can't talk back to me. I could say "Fuck you!" and all it would do is annoy me with its music some more. Not a bad trade off if you ask me. Seriously though, say you are in a fight with a friend and you say fuck you to them and all they do back is slay random creatures when you push b. I find that friendship to be the best one ever. Who needs a boyfriend when you have video games?!

Eventually you get sick of finding your undies in people's pockets.

I feel like when I drink in the middle of the week shitty things happen. In my defense, I was depressed and lonely and I needed to get my mind off of somethings so I drank, which wasn't smart. I confess my undying love to EVERYONE if I drink in the middle of the week. I also have bruises all the way down my legs and I have no idea how that happened. The last time I drank in the middle of the week my underwear was found in my friend's coat pocket, that's cool. So I am going to keep it to the weekends. As much as I love it, I hate it.
I just realized I confess my undying love to everyone when I am sober, but when I am drunk I use the phrase,"I am IN love with you." Also, I never say those things to people I actually like, because that would be kinda weird.

AND I GET TO DRIVE!! ALL WEEK!!

Just when I thought my balls were dropping...

I watched a movie today, it was a chick flick....I cried, like a lot of tears. It was then that I realized I have been acting way too girly lately. For that, I apologize to the entire world. Ugh. I feel like my uterus is crying for attention, it just way too sick of me ignoring that it even exists. So it decided to take over my brain with its estrogen powers, and now I am on day 3 of watching chick flicks, while in the meantime conscious brain is getting torchered with chemicals like lye, while it has to sit and watch these vagina movies. Not that I don't like chick flicks, because I really do, but I only like watching them when I have a friend here to eat ice cream with and complain about how we are lonely and then our periods start and we repeat this cycle the following month. Well you see, that time of the month was over 5 days ago so there is no excuse for this to be going on except what I stated earlier. This is like the Civil War but worse because hormones are involved and I haven't been exactly a happy camper this week. Yet, it is almost better since there was no slavery or the assassination of President Lincoln.

So yesterday I watched Crazy, Stupid, Love and then today was The Notebook. Both had Ryan Gosling and both made me want to slit my wrists. I am ignoring my stupid uterus for the rest of my life. I might even get a sex change. Tooooooo much crying just went on for a movie.

Rock Bottom.

So there is this place where I have ventured a few times. Its dark and scary and sobriety is not common but bad decisions are. That was my whole last week, because I am awesome. I was stranded in a very small town that is quite possibly the worst town in the whole world, Payson, UT....I dare not even speak its name. I keep being drawn back into this black hole since like half my friends live down there and my daughter does as well. There is nothing good about Payson, its like the Voldemort of towns. It probably had potential to be great for a minute there and then the worst people in the world took over, hicks. People who do not have the ability to form real sentences would be my definition for that word. They are also people who think pants need to ride up your balls, and that lassos are acceptable to bring into public. Its really like that Spongebob Squarepants episode where he rides the bus for too long and gets stuck in Rock Bottom with Patrick. You can't tell which bathrooms to go into because females look like the males, and they might have better mustaches then the guys too, and everyone talks different. I was scared. And I spent way too many nights sleeping on a couch.
Tonight is my first night home and I,honestly,feel kinda lonely seeing as the last two nights I have fallen asleep on a queen sized bed with me and two more boys. It was uncomfortable to say the least, but I passed out on a futon listening to Starcraft II later on and that is really all that anyone ever needs in life. Gaming and sleep at the same time is kind of like being in love but way better. So more like eating steak and potatoes, then eating a shit ton of cookies and NOT feeling sick after........I feel as though I might be hungry. I really want steak.