As much as I want to just be really freaking funny right now I am just really depressed and . Like seriously, I am listening to my playlist called "Sappy" right meow. I don't usually give in to this stuff, I am usually pretty confident, witty and charming or whatever, but today, today is different. Lately, I have felt extremely inadequate in everything that I can do. Most of them are stupid girly things like, I feel like I am not even remotely cute enough for anyone, ever. Or that I don't look like what certain group of people find attractive. I just think I look like a homely house wife who has (there is a lot of alliteration in that) nothing going for her, who smokes and drinks life away. There is a possibility that I look like a female Boo Radley as well. I am not a fan of it. I am not a fan of feeling (ALLITERATION AGAIN!) completely repulsive no matter how hard I try.
Loneliness has crept its way into my daily regimen. The loneliness wouldn't be a huge deal if I had my fucking cat. I had my cat for 11 years, she would always cuddle with me when I was sad. What's cool is I didn't even have to make her, she would just run and jump on me and cuddle me until I was happy or I fell asleep. I had to give her away when I lived with Landon. It was probably the worst experience of my life. I still catch myself thinking that she will be meowing when I get home, she's not. She was my baby basically. Not only that but she slept with me every night. I yearn for that. I miss her. I hate the fact that I go to sleep every night without saying I love you to someone I really truly love. Its stupid how much I still hurt over losing that. DEJA VU!!!!! Anyway, yes, I hate myself for not being able to keep that emotion/commitment in my life, I really do. All anyone really wants is to be loved by someone. I hate being lonely so much. I see how happy my ex is without me and it murders me. It makes me feel like I am meant to be by myself. Even with my friends I feel that way lately. Most of them are very caught up in material things, or sex. I have been far too caught up in that lately as well, which is ridiculously stupid. I would rather cuddle and say I love you than have sex at this point.
I apologize for the emo bullshit. I will be back to normal in a few days or hours I am sure of it. Sometimes you just get overwhelmed and need to recollect yourself before you dust yourself off and get back up. I am just feeling like lots of things about me need to change. Readjustment in life needed.
Loneliness has crept its way into my daily regimen. The loneliness wouldn't be a huge deal if I had my fucking cat. I had my cat for 11 years, she would always cuddle with me when I was sad. What's cool is I didn't even have to make her, she would just run and jump on me and cuddle me until I was happy or I fell asleep. I had to give her away when I lived with Landon. It was probably the worst experience of my life. I still catch myself thinking that she will be meowing when I get home, she's not. She was my baby basically. Not only that but she slept with me every night. I yearn for that. I miss her. I hate the fact that I go to sleep every night without saying I love you to someone I really truly love. Its stupid how much I still hurt over losing that. DEJA VU!!!!! Anyway, yes, I hate myself for not being able to keep that emotion/commitment in my life, I really do. All anyone really wants is to be loved by someone. I hate being lonely so much. I see how happy my ex is without me and it murders me. It makes me feel like I am meant to be by myself. Even with my friends I feel that way lately. Most of them are very caught up in material things, or sex. I have been far too caught up in that lately as well, which is ridiculously stupid. I would rather cuddle and say I love you than have sex at this point.
I apologize for the emo bullshit. I will be back to normal in a few days or hours I am sure of it. Sometimes you just get overwhelmed and need to recollect yourself before you dust yourself off and get back up. I am just feeling like lots of things about me need to change. Readjustment in life needed.
WTS cuddles
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No need to sell, you get them for free.
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