Heido oh Heido, wherefore art thou Heido!

My tummy hurts a good amount of bad, and yet I won't do anything about it. But what I am doing about it is this: hiding under the covers. I thought I just heard Alex, I pulled off the covers really fast because I look like an idiot. Ok, so my stomach hurts because I should've listened to my mother. I should probably always listen to my mom when she says things, that's pretty hard for me to admit. But she was wrong about bladder infections. Lately I have been holding my pee in for too long. Apparently that fucks shit up and it hurts to pee, to the point where I whimper when I piddle. Its kind of awkward, even for me!
The love of my life/my best friend Heidi, was working one day and when she got a worrysome text from me saying, "I am literally pissing blood. Can you take me to the instacare in Springville?" She quickly replied with, "Are you sure its not your period?" I told her that it felt like a bearded dragon was trying to make its escape through my urethra, thus it wasn't my period.

This was before the pee blood and after the bearded dragon.

So I go to the doctor and they tell me I have to pay a co pay. I say bill that shit to my deadbeat dad, they said no you have to pay it now. I only had 7 dollars, and the co pay was 10, and Heidi had just left to go get some lunch. The stupid receptionist tells me to go stop her before she drove away. Let me reiterate what a UTI feels like, PISSING OUT A BEARDED DRAGON.

He looks happy. You don't.

You can imagine running while trying to pass a dragon through a bodily hole that extremely small, not as fun as it looks. I chase Heidi down and then I call her. She is awesome and gave me the three dollars I needed to actually see the doctor. So I go in and they tell me to pee in a cup. I obviously knew what I had to do, and I somehow managed to get the smallest amount of pee possible, so I had to try three more times, and I was crying. No I am not exaggerating even in the slightest fragment of you imagination, I was a blubbering bafoon. After I made it clear to them that there was no possible way I could get any more of the dragon out of my body, they released me from the dungeon I call a bathroom. Heidi was waiting for me and she asked me how it went, I didn't tell her I cried, there are some things that are better left unsaid. Though I did tell her the other day that I had cried from it and she said I was a retard and I should've told her. I also had to sit in the back seat of her car due to the puke that was covering the seat.
So in this story I am the princess, Heidi is the knight, her car is her steed and the bathroom is the dungeon. The dragon happened to be an infection in my urinary tract that has decided to come back with a vengence, because I am stupid and didn't take all of my pills, so now I have to drink a bunch of water or any liquid and actually tinkle out the infection. Yeah. Too much information? I don't care. Sit with it.