Underwear

I am thinking too many things for them to make sense. I keep thinking about how much I love underwear when I don't have any to wear. Luckily, Jess gave me a pair that were actually mine, so I am in good comfort and support. My butt feels very happy to have a piece of lacy fabric caressing it. Its nice to know that a piece of fabric will have my back for LIFE! Except I need to wash all of mine.

Really, I am so tired. I, also, keep thinking about this: Say you're watching 30 rock with Tina Fey. Does Tina Fey as a human exist in that show? Or like is there an actor named Alec Baldwin in that show? What about Steven Baldwin, even though he's not in the show does he exist if his brother Alec doesn't? THERE ARE TOO MANY QUESTIONS!! GAH! That is another reason Tina Fey and I are a lot alike. She says a lot of the stupid things that I have always thought.

At this point you're thinking Brooke, go to bed, you need your rest for the day ahead! I say NAY! Too many thoughts and funny things happen when you are asleep. There is at least 8 hours of random stuff you are missing whilst sleeping, silently in your bed. I am not missing any of it. I am wide awake writing blogs and eating a bologna sandwich that happened to just roll down my chest. So now there is mayonnaise all over my hands and chest. Hot mental image I am sure! I also need to pee but it will hurt and that does not sound fun.

This is my last paragraph and then I am going to go lay down....maybe. Whenever I pull an all nighter I always hope the sun doesn't come up, because when it does that means I have stayed up all night and now I have to do things like put on pants and brush my teeth and put on make up. Ew. I don't like doing any of those things but I do them so that I don't look like a nudist that also happens to be homeless and unattractive. I personally like feeling pretty, its fun to occasionally have someone say, "You look nice today." Thus why I need to brush my teeth and do my make up. Though if someone said that I looked good without make up on I would automatically think they were lying so hard. So hard I might die.

I LIED! This is another paragraph! Ok but I am really going to close my eyes for a minute. Good bye cruel world

K I am done.

I am done being a oozing vagina now guys. I had myself a good cry while listening to all of the world's best emo songs. The only thing missing from this scenario is a razorblade to make me feel not numb, or to just take away the pain. As much fun as that sounds....its not...trust me, I have gotten stitches before due to my own stupidity...not awesome.
In better news, my bladder infection is back. That's fun. I am also completely out of underwear until Alex finishes his laundry. I AM WINNING! If Charlie Sheen met me he would be like "Holy shit, this is the fourth time your bladder infection has come back! Maybe you should learn to stop holding it in and finish your prescriptions." Then I will be like," Sheen, you go back to snorting coke and pulling out knives on your girlfriends, and I will go back to not taking my prescription meds."

I can't really think of anything else to write except I apologize for my girly mood swing blog. It made me feel like normal again though. That's a plus.

Really really sad.... :/

As much as I want to just be really freaking funny right now I am just really depressed and . Like seriously, I am listening to my playlist called "Sappy" right meow. I don't usually give in to this stuff, I am usually pretty confident, witty and charming or whatever, but today, today is different. Lately, I have felt extremely inadequate in everything that I can do. Most of them are stupid girly things like, I feel like I am not even remotely cute enough for anyone, ever. Or that I don't look like what certain group of people find attractive. I just think I look like a homely house wife who has (there is a lot of alliteration in that) nothing going for her, who smokes and drinks life away. There is a possibility that I look like a female Boo Radley as well. I am not a fan of it. I am not a fan of feeling (ALLITERATION AGAIN!) completely repulsive no matter how hard I try.

Loneliness has crept its way into my daily regimen. The loneliness wouldn't be a huge deal if I had my fucking cat. I had my cat for 11 years, she would always cuddle with me when I was sad. What's cool is I didn't even have to make her, she would just run and jump on me and cuddle me until I was happy or I fell asleep. I had to give her away when I lived with Landon. It was probably the worst experience of my life. I still catch myself thinking that she will be meowing when I get home, she's not. She was my baby basically. Not only that but she slept with me every night. I yearn for that. I miss her. I hate the fact that I go to sleep every night without saying I love you to someone I really truly love. Its stupid how much I still hurt over losing that. DEJA VU!!!!! Anyway, yes, I hate myself for not being able to keep that emotion/commitment in my life, I really do. All anyone really wants is to be loved by someone. I hate being lonely so much. I see how happy my ex is without me and it murders me. It makes me feel like I am meant to be by myself. Even with my friends I feel that way lately. Most of them are very caught up in material things, or sex. I have been far too caught up in that lately as well, which is ridiculously stupid. I would rather cuddle and say I love you than have sex at this point.

I apologize for the emo bullshit. I will be back to normal in a few days or hours I am sure of it. Sometimes you just get overwhelmed and need to recollect yourself before you dust yourself off and get back up. I am just feeling like lots of things about me need to change. Readjustment in life needed.

Facebook.

Sometimes Facebook likes to remind me that I stalk people. I was on my friend's page not five minutes ago and it was like Suggestions for People You Should Subscribe To!! The first three people are my friends that I stalk frequently. To the point where it is not good and I know way too much about their lives. It was just a little reminder as so how I have no life, and am creepy as balls.

This is usually what happens in my head when I am reminded about how weird I am:
Holy crap, did it really just tell me to subscribe to someone's facebook because I am on their page a lot?! Brooke, you are a smart girl, get up and use that to your advantage instead of just stalking these 3 people. You can also be cute if you want to be. So maybe you should get up brush your teeth, put make up on and put on some clean clothes and spend time with your friends. Maybe you would stop feeling so down on yourself if you were did something about it instead of being a creeper.

That's when I get really low on myself and Ekoorb says things like, "Yeah brain you're right, I am smart. Occasionally I even have some self confidence. Maybe I should do something about it.

Then the real me comes in and is like: Fuck that shit. Stay in bed and stalk your life away. Maybe you should like brush your teeth and stuff but putting on clean clothes?! Are you kidding me?! No. You are going to write blogs and eat bread with Alfredo sauce on it all day. Deal? Kdeal.

And so now I have decided to finish writing this blog and then I am going to pee because bladder infections scare me, and then I am going to watch Lord of the Rings :)

Denial.

This is the third time I have attempted to write a blog within the last 12 hours. I keep deleting the poop that comes out of my mouth because it is things like, "I ate bread with alfredo sauce last night." Or "Alex quit hiding people cigarettes in the ceiling!" That last statement wasn't said out loud, I definitely was thinking it though.

   I stopped writing last night because I passed out on my couch with a freaking adorable puppy. Now I am hiding underneath my blanket to keep me from realizing I woke up at 4:30 in the afternoon. Its still 4:30 in the morning under this blanket so I have every intention of staying under here until someone pries my dead, cold body out. Which wouldn't really be true, I would pretty much be a warm dead body since I am under a blanket. I just told my bedmate that I wasn't coming out from the blanket and he said, "Its ok, I will just kill you. They will be like 'Where's Brooke? She hasn't come out. Oh wait she never does,' so then no one will be suspicious and I will have an alliby. And then I will get rid of your body because we have dogs." To this I replied, "Just let me decompose on the bed." He said "No, on the floor." Then he left the room. But what I have to say to that is please keep the blankets over my head. I need to keep pretending it is not almost 6.

   And now it smells like a dentist office in here, and that is kind of intimidating when all you can hear is Lord of the Rings. 

   I came out of the blankets. It was getting hard to breath. Also I really need water.

Starbucks boy....

By the way me and starbucks boy never hung out. And I found out that he is friends with one of my most unfavorite people in the world who married this shitty girl because she got knocked up. She had the baby a few days ago, I hope it dies. That's mean. I hope she dies and her husband has to take care of the baby all by himself and suffer, because I strongly dislike him and his genitalia piercing wife, who is completely fucked in the head and thinks its cool to not forgive people for their mistakes.
    Starbucks boy probably doesn't understand the severity of his errors, I don't think he ever will until said female unleashes her judgemental vagina dragon to him, and then he will reconsider his thoughts and say, "I now know why Brooke called this girl a Cunt." With a capital "C" because she is still a proper noun. That's why this girl doesn't like me, because I told one person....yes 1, that she had pierced her clit, as in clitoris. If you are going to pierce something at least be open about it. Also getting knocked up and then getting married because of it might be a more obvious that you are having sex and you should probably forgive me, but that won't happen. But in all honesty, their son is probably going to run away before he turns five anyways. Anywho, I don't really care about Starbucks boy anymore. He is kind of strange. And obviously I this blog is not about him its about his stupid friends.

Curses!

My creative flow has been blocked by evil. I usually can sit down and think, "Brooke, write about this certain thing in your blog." And then I do and it turns into gold. But yesterday I have been halted. I realized people actually are reading this shit now, I feel like I have to impress ALL THE PEOPLE! So I am sitting on my twin bed, thinking about what I should write and all I can actually think is how excited I am that we are putting another bed in here! Yeah that's right, my own bed!! I can sleep by myself! As much fun as it is to have Alex as a bedmate I would rather be able to spread my long limbs and rest peacefully for 8 hours instead of what has been happening. I also have a job now. Its like the world is back to normal! GAH! I AM NOT USED TO THIS!! I just thought of three things to write about! Ok lets get started!

So I was asleep on the floor last night because my friend Liz, and Alex shared a bed, so I was on the floor. As I was unconscious I had a horrific dream. I had a dream I was pregnant. As we all know that is a level I have surpassed like almost over three years ago. Its been 3.5 years since I initially got pregnant. I am happy about this audience. Being not pregnant is AWESOME! And if you are as abstinent as I am you won't have to worry about getting back to that radiant bloated state for a while. In this dream I was oh, 3 months. Those of you who knew me three years ago would know I didn't show until I was 6 months and I didn't tell my mom until that point either. Then I exploded. The dream world told me different, that by 3 months you are a tub of baby just waiting to explode with placenta and life forms. I don't remember who knocked me up in the dream, all I remember is touching my belly and saying "Oh fuck! Again?!" Like six times. I woke up laying on my stomach and I thought, "I am hurting the baby!" So I turned over quickly and made a quick examination on if I was actually with child. GOOD NEWS! I am not :) It was all a dream and I don't have to worry about getting knocked up for another 4 years, because birth control is awesome!!

The other two things were, my bra is super squeaky! Its so fun! And then I made up a story about how one of my friends was kidnapped by a bear, a dragon and a giraffe last night while we were sitting outside my apartment smoking. Well we were actually laying on the cement trying to not laugh our asses off and everything.

Alright, I am off to fail my drug test. Peace out.