Top ten people I would like to marry

Today, I made a list of exactly 40 people I would marry, so obviously I needed to narrow it down. Thus this list of 10 people I would gladly get married to, their height for some reason, plus the reasons why and a picture : )

1. Zach Braff; Scrubs, 6"-
      I honest to god don't know why I am so attracted to him. My mom frequently makes fun of me for it because he has a jew nose and no chin, but by Scott, I would bare 35 children if he wanted me to. Plus he has a good taste in music, movies and has cunning wit that makes me swoon. Also, everything he has been in has been pretty good. Also he's Jewish. I have a thing for Jewish men, I don't know why.

2. Jason Segel; How I Met Your Mother, 6'4"-
       I love him because he is tall. 6'4" is the pristene height for me. He also loves the Muppets which he has said to be his passion. I grew up on the Muppets and they are spectacular. Also, he does decent movies and stuff.

3. Tina Fey; 30 Rock, 5'4"-
       She is kinda my role model for EVERYTHING! Plus a total and complete nerd who never does her laundry, likes Star Wars, and eats A LOT. So basically I am a mini her and if we were to get married we would smell really bad and always be watching TV while eating. I can't think of a reason why that is bad.











4. Jemaine Clement; Flight of the Concords, 6'1"-
         Obscenely tall, is a musician AND he's funny. Also has an accent. I usually don't like gaps in peoples teeth but he is one of the few exceptions I have made.

5. Gary Oldman; Harry Potter, 5'10"-


         Who do you know that can play Beethoven so well you are almost convinced it is him? Or can play an insane fugitive but within 5 minutes can change your mind that he is a hero? Gary Oldman can. He can also have half a head of hair and still be what I like to call "Attractive as balls".

6. Tim Curry; Rocky Horror Picture Show, 5'9"-
          I really can't think of a reason not to be in love with him aside from the fact he is gay, and that isn't bad it just means I can't actually marry him because he doesn't like my type. Transvestite, eccentric butler, and hotel manager that looks exactly like the Grinch. What is sad is that he is almost 70, I don't want him to get old and die! He is a freaking legend! I just found out he was 5'9"... I STILL LOVE HIM!

7. Seth Rogen; Knocked up, 5'11"-
          He might be the most awkward person in real life and so am I. We are what is commonly called,"A match made in heaven." Also I am a bit of a chubby chaser, and he has the perfect amount of fluff for me. Plus his laugh is HILARIOUS! He is also Jewish, and I think he is freaking cute!

8. Ronnie Radke; Escape the Fate/Falling in Reverse, 6"-
         I love tall, skinny ass mother funchers that are tattooed. Guess what I have a thing for? Musicians! I didn't used to think he was sexy, but since he has been released from prison I think that it is awesome that, not only is he clean, he has forgiven his old band mates. I just think he has become honorable and hot. There is nothing sexier. Except maybe being Zach Braff.

9. Ryan Gosling; The Notebook, 6'1"-
         Duh.

10. Emma Stone; Superbad, 5'6"-
          I think she is beautiful, hilarious and normal. She also is in one of my favorite movies, The Help. I suggest reading that book though. But really, just an approachable person. I feel like I could ask her to hang out with me IRL and she probably would and we would laugh.

A fair warning.

So I took my adderall today which means I am gonna write like 3 blogs today. I, also, decided on a theme for my bloggity blog: Lists. I am OBSESSED with lists so much that I wrote like 6 of them today just because I was bored as balls. You can only job hunt so long before you want to fall over and die and start to respond to people in real life with your social security code. How the idea of lists originated was my friend Stephanie and I would make lists for EVERYTHING while we were at work. I should really start a list scrapbook and then everytime my list for something changes I can add a new page. IDEAS! I HATE ADDERALL SO MUCH! SO MANY WORDS! I also need help making a new name for my blog. Something listy like. I should put up a picture of all the papers and lists I have by me right now. Its ridiculous almost. Anyways, end of warning.

MY STUPID COMPUTER!!

I literally have 3 half written blogs, THREE OF THEM! I can't finish them because pictures go along with it but my mudda fuggin GD computer piece of shit charger is BROKEN FOR THE FOURTH FREAKING TIME! So my sweet little laptop is SOL until I can find a new one. You guys don't understand how frustrated I am. If you are my friend on facebook you would know how badly I want to watch Hairspray and I can't because its on my stupid laptop! My life is in shambles because of this fact, I need to find a new charger before I lose my mind using my house's desktop computer that has none of the things I need. I MISS MY NETBOOK!!! Anyways that is why it has been a while since I pumped out a new blog offspring of mine. I will hopefully be back within the next week, if not send for help. I will be collapsed over the keyboard in my basement or playing Skyrim.

Aboot Moi!

I found a question thingy I wanted to answer because I love those things so freaking much.

1. Sexual Orientation: I am straight 99% of the time.
2. What I am really bad at: I am awful at drawing and trying to communicate my feelings.
3. The Person's Who's Arms I would Like to be in: Zach Braff's. Too obvious you say? Lets just say he knows and I know he knows.
4. My best first date: Jake Stevens :) We went and got coffee at 11:30 and then In and Out at midnight. It was super fun.
5. Description of my self esteem: In remission.
6. Who my best friends are: Heidi Lybbert, Stephanie Ryan, Michael Arthur and Camie Eldredge. Not to mention Liz and Mary Jones but they are more like my sisters than anything else.
7. My Favorite Book: Perks of Being a Wallflower. Makes me cry like a little bitch everytime.
8. My biggest turn offs: Slapping my butt, telling me I am "hot", and bad grammar. Bad grammar comes first.
9. Description of my best friend: Heidi = Silly, Stephie=Charles Manson, Mike=Clever, Camie= Logical.
10. My favorite animal: ARMADILLOS!!!!! I LOVE THEM!
11. Someone I miss: Mike, he's gone for another 96 days.
12. The Reason behind my last break up: Friendship was more important than us getting jealous all the time. Still one of my very best friends though.
13. What I did yesterday: Went to the doctor, came home, took a nap, wrote a blog and then fell asleep again.
14. My greatest achievements: Placing my daughter for adoption and being able to watch her grow up. Hands down best thing EVER.
15. Description of the person I dislike the most: No negativity is going to be spoken about my enemies. We have our own issues that don't need to be discussed publicly on my blog.
16. Favorite Songs right now: Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men. I LOVE IT. Also Broken Angel by Boyce Avenue.
17. How my last kiss went down: I asked him for it. He wouldn't kiss me until he went pee though which is weird. I should stop kissing weird people.
18. What I find attractive in my preferred sex: Teeth. Brown eyes are a plus too. I love pretty fingernails too. Also being tall bodes REAL well for me. But mostly if they can laugh with me about the weird stuff I say.
19. Pets I have had: I have really only have a few dogs and then my precious cat that I had for 11 years before I had to give her away. Her name was Tatum, she was a black cat that was super vocal.
20. Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Cookies and Cream :)
21. The one place I want to be: The beach or getting coffee. Goodness how I want coffee.
22. Meanest thing someone has ever said to me: That I was selfish for choosing adoption.
23. Where I have lived before: K get ready for this. I have lived in: Long Beach, CA, Irvine,CA, Magnolia,TX, Pleasant Grove, UT, Orem, UT, Woodland Hills, UT, Provo, UT, and South Jordan, UT.
24. I'll love you if: you buy me food. Seriously. All my friends have bought me food.
25. My Future Plans: Get a Job, go to school, become an English Teacher, Get married, have a couple kids and so on. Die would be the initial plan for my life.
26. Internal Conflicts I have with myself: Smoking and Drinking are my biggest ones. Higher power is another one I have as well.
27. What I am doing tomorrow: So far, nothing. Turning in a Job application though.
28. What I want to be when I am older: An English Teacher and a Mom.
29. Most Embarrassing moment: I don't care enough to get be ashamed of the dumb things I do. My skin burns from embarrassment for a few days if I do something really stupid but after that I get over it.
30. Two Insecurities: My Stretch marks and my skin.
31. What I would do if I won the Lottery: Pay off all my debts, go to Disneyland and then save the rest.
32. Description of the boy I like: Tall, dark hair, skinny. Ya know, The usual.
33. What you love about yourself: My teeth. I love my tattoos and my eyelashes on my right eye.
34. Biggest Pet Peeves: I can't even begin to tell you what they all are. Mankind is still thriving and that is my pet peeve, humans. Can't live with 'em and I would die without them.
35. Bands I have seen: The Bravery, Depeche Mode, Aiden, HIM, Circa Survive, Billy Talent, Thursday, Rise Against, Emery, Static Lullaby, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Escape the Fate (with Ronnie), Dance Gavin Dance, Blessthefall, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, Paramore, A Day to Remember, Less than Jake, All Time Low, NoFx, and Enter Shikari. Yup. Its busted alright.
36. Tattoos and Piercings: I have an infinity symbol, a star and a raven made out of the word nevermore. My nose, tongue, belly button, and ears are pierced. My ears are gauged to a 4.
37. How many kids I would like to have: 4 more. I have the one so technically it will be 5 but I want to take care of 4 kids.
38. Idea of the perfect date: Coffee, and dinner. Then talking. I am pretty easy going.
39. What I am really good at: Being annoying, I am really good at remember birthdays, middle names and faces.
40. Most Traumatic experience: Having to give away my cat. Yeah I am not kidding.
41. Where I would like to live: In Orem.
42. Nicest thing someone has ever said to me: Kind words are always appreciated, I can't think of one specific time that something knocked me off my feet with kindness.
43. Do I like where I am right now: No.
44. What can I hear right now: My fan, and my phone singing, "If It Means A Lot To You" From A Day to Remember.
45. Relationship with my siblings: Mediocre at best. I am one of those "Leave me the Hell Alone" types when it comes to people in general.
46. Biggest Worry Currently: I am always afraid I am pregnant. Even when I don't do the action I still freak out. I also worry about the end of the world, A LOT!
47. Something I have wished for repeatidly: To be able to sleep at a decent hour. It doesn't work.
48. My relationship with my parents: Mediocre like it is with my siblings. Except with my mom. I talk to her close to everyday.
49. Words that make me believe in myself: My 9th grade teacher told me that I was extremely smart and a good writer, those words have stuck with me since I was 14.
50. Something I should have said a long time ago: I love you and I wish we never broke up because you are the person I should be spending my life with. He knows that though.
51. My last text message says: "I should start going to public like this, plus a bow tie because that is the definition of cool. Also, mmmmm Jim Halpert."
52. I hate most about myself: My inability to stay organized or get anything done.
53. Turn ons: Teeth, good hygiene, a really bad sense of humor where they laugh at things that aren't funny.
54. Words that upset me the most: I am not offended by a whole lot. Except selfish. That offends me. Also Lazy.
55. What I hated most about school: Waking up early is the only thing I hated about school. I love school.


Upon reading this, I am really not that strange but I am at the same time. I probably need therapy though, that is something that is for sure.

The Tales of a Public Transportation wanderer.

I started this blog almost a year ago, my number one annoyance then was living in Spanish Fork,UT and fortunately that has changed. I now live in a populated area where people like to smoke non-filtered cigarettes and discuss the latest political controversies while sipping on their overly priced espressos. Since I smoke menthol cigarettes and drink overly priced Chai Lattes at Starbucks on a regular basis I am in heaven, though I will run in the opposite direction if politics are brought up. As a fore mentioned, I moved to South Jordan and have to drive at least 10 minutes to find the smell of poop instead of stepping outside and smelling it. The point of all that is I am too poor to buy gas to go and visit my friends in Orem or Payson, and I am lazy, I will not walk somewhere unless it is the only option I have. I used to live in Orem which is about 20 miles away from Payson, where most my friends reside and it was really annoying when I wanted to get down there to see my, then, boyfriend and all of my other friends and walking 20 miles was more than obviously out of the question. So I would take the bus.

Public transportation is something of which I strongly support since it helps reduce pollution and assists poor struggling students get to and from school, or other places of the sort, but, it also helps anyone with $2.50 travel anywhere in Utah and Salt Lake county for 3 hours. Weirdos ride the bus, and that is a stereotype that is almost universal. Utah has its own special breed of loveable freaks, but freaks nonetheless, also a lot of meth addicts. On my way to Payson one time an overly friendly middle-aged man mentioned how amazing it was that I could get my eyes to match the coat I was wearing. That seems like a normal compliment but it wasn't, he legitimately thought that I could change my irises to match the color of my coat, not like my make up or anything. I, of course, said thank you very much for that nice words and carried on playing Fruit Ninja. He, on the other hand, was not ready to stop telling me about my chameleon eye color. This continued for about 3 minutes with me staring and chuckling nervously, but he eventually got off the bus. The driver apologized for how awkward that was, I giggled and accepted the apology and proceeded to my bus stop. This was the least weird of my experiences.

On another journey to payson I was sitting behind a boy not much older than me and I made a comment on his gaming laptop. He was obviously shy and sat in his seat. While we are driving through BYU campus I hear a cell phone take a picture. I looked up in the direction of the click, saw nothing, and then carried on staring out the window. I heard the noise again, so I looked up again. The awkward boy was turned towards me taking a pictures of me through the space between the seat and the window. Weirded out slightly I ignored the social skill deficiency he had and started to write down some blog material. I heard it again, this time the camera phone was above the head of the seat taking yet another picture of me. Officially creeped out I scoffed and said, in a very dry tone,"Really?" After that, he started taking pictures of every cemetery we passed. This was the first 15 minutes of the hour and a half it takes so get down there, and my stop was second to last, his was the very last. I have never been so incapacitated to speak in my entire existance, and once I got off that bus I sprinted to my friends house. That was the last time I rode the bus for quite some time, because getting pictures taken of you isn't normal bus behavior, surprisingly enough.

Long time no see.

Jesus. Ya know when life just takes you for a fucking loop? Yeah its been one of those times....Since April the last time we spoke, and the last time I went to Payson to see all my friends and before I had a life again, I have significantly failed as a humanoid. May was off to a good start-ish. Aside from my best friend Mike leaving for the military for 5 months I was prepared to start dating...kinda and start taking care of myself. Then I crashed a fucking car. I wish I had pictures to post but I don't. The car I hit was completely dented in the rear and the car I was driving was pretty much fine aside from the radiator that was cracked and some aesthetic damage. Luckily I only have to pay 500 for the whole thing. THANK GOD.

Then I got "kicked" out of my house because well I crashed their car. Then I found out I had scabies, not the pube kind, the normal kind. And then I had some unfortunate drama between close friends. Oh and that all happened within a week. Car accident, kicked out, friend drama and scabies. Lovely. Sometimes life just hits you like a truck going 45 mph on the I-15 right by the 800 North Exit in Orem...if you catch my drift. 

Not all bad things happen though. I moved up to South Jordan with my dad...yes you all heard that right my dad. But my lovely first best friend Heidi lives just 20 mins away from me so it is awesome to have her right here. Also a good friend of mine Josh lives 5 minutes away in Riverton. But if any of you have friends up here that don't have any friends TELL ME!

The great news is that I am officially 21! YAY! Legal drinking age! WOOT. I don't honestly drink that much anymore though so its kind of whatever. Though I could kill for something to drink since I have moved up here. Loneliness and social depravity are driving me to drink and sleep more. I have been deplited of all my friends so I must make imaginary ones! Just kidding...I just play video games with my little brother all day. Anywho, this is the second blog post of today. And I haven't slept since 2 P.M. yesterday which means I have been awake for 20 hours. Buh. Good night. I love you all my sweet ekoorbians!

What Raccoons, squids and losing teeth have in common.

I hate topic sentences. That sentence right there, though complete, is not a topic sentence. A topic sentence is when the writer states the whole main idea of the essay/article of writing with the very first sentence. This would've been a more appropriate sentence: I tend to be afraid of weird things. That sentence is what I should have started with but I deleted a bunch of different ideas for an opening paragraph because it got my creative juices a-flowin'. Anyway, I am afraid of strange things. Most of my friends are afraid of things like spiders, dolls and clowns I have more absurd, irrational phobias, though spiders, dolls and clowns are creepy I don't necessarily fear them.

5. The Dark- This is pretty normal for the human race, because the dark is freaking scary. I have this unstable mind that likes to play tricks on me in the dark. As such, it is 8:05 AM and I haven't slept because it was dark and I didn't want to move from my bed. We all know that blankets are invincible against ghosts, demons, scary children and the unknown. I hate the dark. I have to have a television on or some sort of electrical hum accompanied by light and more sound, aside from white noise. That scares the crap out of me more than the dark does. Heebie Jeebies to So scared I pooped, the dark would get a solid I Just Pissed Myself.

Monsters are scary.

4. The Sound of Spiders Crunching- Everyone has a sound they hate. This is one of them. I am not afraid of spiders but I can almost never smash them because of the stupid crunching sound. It sounds similar to stepping on a golden autumn leaf on a crisp October afternoon, but instead its an ugly brown thing with 8 legs the has an bajillion eyes, bites you and invades your home when its cold or raining. Oh, did I mention that is guts fly at you as well as sounding god awful!? Yeah. Dislike. A great amount. Two thumbs down.

3. Losing teeth - I have dreams every other night about me losing my two front teeth. I wake up anxious and drenched in a cold sweat because of it. I have always feared losing my teeth. I had to get my first two teeth pulled when I was 4 because my adult teeth were growing in. My mom had to force me into the chair and then pry me out of it when they were done. I have only hit my mom once, and that was the day I pounded my fists against her chest. I had some serious separation anxiety when it came to my teeth. I still do. I brush and floss up to 3 times a day because I am just that paranoid. I also still have all my baby teeth stored in a box somewhere around here. I would leave notes under my pillow because I wasn't gonna give some strange fairy MY teeth! Who does she/he think he/she is?! GOD?! I think not.

2. Raccoons- Yes the animal. I hate them. Those little fruit stealing Mexican bandits. If you bug them they hiss at you. If you are nice to them, the hiss at you and then bite you with their rabies infested saliva and then steal your fruit. Apparently though, Raccoons like Jager. I have a few friends that got one drunk. I am glad we were not friends at that point because I FUCKING HATE RACCOONS! They are cute from a distance, they are not cute when you find them eating inside of a trash can and you have to run for your life so El Bandito won't come after you.

I couldn't find a raccoon with a sombrero so this will have to do.

1. Humboldt Squid- Let me describes these nautical monsters for you. The can grow to be 6 feet long and 100 lbs. and they flash red and white. They only live for about a year and their predators are things like sharks, sperm whales and seals. Oh, but does that effect these little guys? Nope! They have razor sharp teeth inside of their suckers that can tear up a huge animal within minutes. They also attack human divers and are known to be cannibalistic. They travel in groups on 1200 and can jump out of the water. Now you might be saying,"Brooke, these are squids, and Utah doesn't have any Squids." No Utah doesn't have any of these guys swimming around but they live off of the coast of Orange County, which is where I am from and where Disneyland is located (714 represent). Did I mention they live off the COAST...a short trek from the shoreline where normal people are. I hate them. I live in complete fear of them. I would like to eat them instead of them eating me.

Sucker teeth, looks like it from the movie "Teeth"

 
I feel like these fears aren't completely far-fetched but at the same time I don't know very many people who are afraid of an invertebrate that lives several hundreds of miles away from where I currently am. My fears when I was little were way worse though. I was severely threatened by the weather. If it was anywhere over 96 degrees I would panic. Like full on anxiety panic. My family and I visited Utah for Vacation once and it got down to 34 degrees....I panicked then too. My mom had to pump antihistamine into my system so I would pass out and forget about how I was going to freeze to death.

I also greatly feared having a heart attack. This was brought on by a show on the discovery channel where it describes this unhealthy guy's diet and his lack of exercise, then an artery strips ever so slightly and fat stuck to the walls of the artery leaving the guy with cut off circulation to his heart. Scared the ever-living SHIT out of me. I would sprint down to my parents room and have my mom check my heart beat because I couldn't feel it. I don't give my mom enough credit for the retarded crap I was afraid of when I was little.


On a different note I am not afraid of:
-Spiders
-Needles, in fact I like needles.
- Bees
- Death

Spiders do creep me out though just because of the way they move but I won't jump out of my skin if I see one. Though, centipedes....I will scream and run. I hate those guys, they are ugly and hairy and gross.
Bees are fine. I don't have any problems with bees. I have them land on me all the time and I don't fidget, they are nice logical insects. And needles aren't scary because they are usually being stabbed into you to help you not hurt you. Or for piercings and tattoos which I love.

Odd duckling or not I am glad to be back into the wonderful world of blogging. I missed it. I have a few more ideas up my sleeve for future blogs so have a weary eye!

Life since last post.

I miss this. I miss writing to the beautiful people, who are you guys. I feel like if I don't write I am actually just dying slowly in a concentration camp. Anne Frank knows what I mean. Anyways, yeah writing is good I just need some topics. So dearest loyal fans, help me come up with some blog prompts.

Happy New Years!

First blog of the new year. How does it feel you might ask? GREAT! Wanna know why? Because I made it an entire drunken night without taking any of my clothes off AND the first kiss of the new year was my boyfriend who, of which is awesome! Also, audience, boyfriend's name is Branden, he is nameless's friend. Nameless and I though are still very good friends, even to the point where I watched a needle go through his tongue tonight and I didn't even gag! It was a momentous occasion.

So New Years Resolutions. 1. Lose fucking weight. Not because other people have made comments on my weight but because I feel gross when I see myself naked, which means I don't want ANYONE, including boyfriend, to see me naked. That is not bueno. I personally enjoy getting laid.

2. Quit smoking. I don't enjoy being cold just to feed an addiction that will kill me. Point and case.

3. Only do naughty things with people I am dating. 2011 racked up my number a little bit, I am not bueno with it, so, NO MORE one night stands.

4. Get my mutha fucking hair license!! It will be 2 years since I graduated in the next november. Not bueno again.

That's basically it. Except maybe play more shows with my friend Cody Taylor. Who is an amazing musician. He sings and plays gweetar and I sing with him. It just needs to happen. I like being the center of attention when I sing :)

Bah humbug.

I like this bold print so this blog will be bold to represent my seriousness...of which is something I do not possess. Anyways, Christmas always brings out the worst in people. Like 75% of my clothing was given away by a few drug ridden douche bags that don't realize Karma is a huge bitch...believe me I know. Today I have taken the higher road to not say anything rude about anyone or anything, which is hard for me when I am angry. On the other hand I am also thinking about things in my life that need to change. First off, being more committed to everything in my life. Which includes school, not smoking and drinking less. Knowing myself it will be School, smoking one less cigarette a day and drinking more often. Either way I will be pleased. The second thing is I want to lose alllllllll the left over weight I have, even if it means I have to not eat for a week. Seriously, I am sick of it. I am not much of a show off when it comes to having a good body but its been a while since I have taken off my shirt and been completely happy with what I see soooooo I would like any surplus weight to be gone from my bodice. I would also like to be able to wear a bathing suit and not be ashamed. I am a female, I should look like one.

Have a Merry Christmas.....maybe

great.

You know how drug addicts have triggers that set them off and all they do after the trigger is touched is get high? Well I have that but with depression, and without the need to get high. Its cliche and gay and all that but the emotion is still real and annoying. Sometimes it happens though. I'll be totally fine then I am blue for a day and then I am fine again. Knowing me I usually always have a smile on my face and a chipper attitude but today feels completely different. All I want to do is stare. Just stare and think about how worthless everything is and how nothing actually matters and how life sucks. Then I think about karma and how its all my fault in retrospect. In all actuality I would rather be dead, having a whole group of friends mad at you for something you can't control kinda fucking blows. People I have known for years and know I would never intentionally hurt them find that I am a huge target to do exactly that. I don't know what to do, except end it all, but where would I go? Can't be any better than where I am in this point in my life. Whoever you are reading this, don't worry about me, I will be here tomorrow. I am always here.

Sup audience. Its been a long minute, a long minute filled with many sighs and a lot of good stories and a lot of tears. First off, I moved....again. This time it is with my dear friend/brother Daniel, my old friend Tyler, one of my best friends Jordan and then there is Anthony. We live in a small house in Provo and its pretty chill. I am also like 100 times closer to my bestie of besties Heidi. We smoke inside, and play mortal combat all day. We also have a race to the mustache. I actually have to sweep the floor because I lost and clean up an epic cat shit. ANYWAYS! I moved.
Second off, I have a job now, so I have even less time to sit on my ass and write dumb blogs about how retarded I am. My boss, incidentally, asked me out on two dates in high school and I stood him up both times because I guess I would have rather dated a black kid, and a fat asian...at the same time.
Third, my daughter turned three on the first of December and it was 3 years since I had to say goodbye to motherhood and hand that little blessing and responsibility to someone more suitable. Then I got in a tiff with a friend and a boy named nameless, and those two added up together equal not a good time. Luckily, I have a good friend called alcohol. Alcoholic or not, it makes nights go by a little faster and more fun, and Jordan just barked in her sleep....that was weird.

Now to the point of this blog. I have this ex boyfriend, his name is Alex J Peterson. He was my longest relationship, 2.5 years, which was in junior high as well. We used to write each other emails alllll the times and all the days. Sometimes they were cutesy and then some of them were myspace surveys. So I read through all of them and I realized that I have changed significantly and yet again, I haven't changed at all in the last 6 years. My sense of humor seems to be the only thing that has transitioned into adulthood, even then I don't have an "adult" sense of humor...whatever that is. My looks have pretty much stayed the same, except for maybe losing some baby fat in my face. My hair color is exactly the same. I still own half of the clothes I wore back then. Unfortunately I have zero pictures of my childhood or else I would show you. Anyways I am going to recover from a massive hangover. Piddy is how I feel.

Zelda.

If you know me well enough, you know that Link and I have a secret affair. Meaning I will ditch people to go play Zelda if I really feel inclined, which is often. At the moment I am playing Link to the Past and I am so goddamn frustrated I stopped to write a blog because I don't want to go and hang out with anyone. Why you ask? Because as much as Zelda makes me irate, the game can't talk back to me. I could say "Fuck you!" and all it would do is annoy me with its music some more. Not a bad trade off if you ask me. Seriously though, say you are in a fight with a friend and you say fuck you to them and all they do back is slay random creatures when you push b. I find that friendship to be the best one ever. Who needs a boyfriend when you have video games?!

Eventually you get sick of finding your undies in people's pockets.

I feel like when I drink in the middle of the week shitty things happen. In my defense, I was depressed and lonely and I needed to get my mind off of somethings so I drank, which wasn't smart. I confess my undying love to EVERYONE if I drink in the middle of the week. I also have bruises all the way down my legs and I have no idea how that happened. The last time I drank in the middle of the week my underwear was found in my friend's coat pocket, that's cool. So I am going to keep it to the weekends. As much as I love it, I hate it.
I just realized I confess my undying love to everyone when I am sober, but when I am drunk I use the phrase,"I am IN love with you." Also, I never say those things to people I actually like, because that would be kinda weird.

AND I GET TO DRIVE!! ALL WEEK!!

Just when I thought my balls were dropping...

I watched a movie today, it was a chick flick....I cried, like a lot of tears. It was then that I realized I have been acting way too girly lately. For that, I apologize to the entire world. Ugh. I feel like my uterus is crying for attention, it just way too sick of me ignoring that it even exists. So it decided to take over my brain with its estrogen powers, and now I am on day 3 of watching chick flicks, while in the meantime conscious brain is getting torchered with chemicals like lye, while it has to sit and watch these vagina movies. Not that I don't like chick flicks, because I really do, but I only like watching them when I have a friend here to eat ice cream with and complain about how we are lonely and then our periods start and we repeat this cycle the following month. Well you see, that time of the month was over 5 days ago so there is no excuse for this to be going on except what I stated earlier. This is like the Civil War but worse because hormones are involved and I haven't been exactly a happy camper this week. Yet, it is almost better since there was no slavery or the assassination of President Lincoln.

So yesterday I watched Crazy, Stupid, Love and then today was The Notebook. Both had Ryan Gosling and both made me want to slit my wrists. I am ignoring my stupid uterus for the rest of my life. I might even get a sex change. Tooooooo much crying just went on for a movie.

Rock Bottom.

So there is this place where I have ventured a few times. Its dark and scary and sobriety is not common but bad decisions are. That was my whole last week, because I am awesome. I was stranded in a very small town that is quite possibly the worst town in the whole world, Payson, UT....I dare not even speak its name. I keep being drawn back into this black hole since like half my friends live down there and my daughter does as well. There is nothing good about Payson, its like the Voldemort of towns. It probably had potential to be great for a minute there and then the worst people in the world took over, hicks. People who do not have the ability to form real sentences would be my definition for that word. They are also people who think pants need to ride up your balls, and that lassos are acceptable to bring into public. Its really like that Spongebob Squarepants episode where he rides the bus for too long and gets stuck in Rock Bottom with Patrick. You can't tell which bathrooms to go into because females look like the males, and they might have better mustaches then the guys too, and everyone talks different. I was scared. And I spent way too many nights sleeping on a couch.
Tonight is my first night home and I,honestly,feel kinda lonely seeing as the last two nights I have fallen asleep on a queen sized bed with me and two more boys. It was uncomfortable to say the least, but I passed out on a futon listening to Starcraft II later on and that is really all that anyone ever needs in life. Gaming and sleep at the same time is kind of like being in love but way better. So more like eating steak and potatoes, then eating a shit ton of cookies and NOT feeling sick after........I feel as though I might be hungry. I really want steak. 

I needed a Scott tonight....

I went to a costume party with a friend tonight, I dressed up as Ramona Flowers, and he was in a toga. Everything was going fine until Freddy Kruger sat next to me. Mind you, I was wearing shorts, pink tights, a tank top and a light jacket, nursing a weak rum and Coke combination. There was not a whole lot to protect myself with, and I was getting uncomfortable at all the weird compliments he was tossing at me, that I was simply not having. I went outside for a cigarette with my toga'd friend and we laughed and lamented about life, just as I was feeling comfortable again Freddy comes outside, more drunk than before, in attempt to sit next to me. Luckily, drunk girl number 1 had my back and sat next to me first and laid her legs down next to her. At that exact moment drunk lesbian fell down some stairs, and I used this as a diversion to get away and get away fast. I rushed back downstairs to find Tarzan, toga friend, and he protected me for the next few minutes. Tarzan decided he needed to pee so I was left alone on the couch. Drunk Freddy stumbled his way from upstairs and outside all the way back down to me and we had the following conversation:

"You're name is Brooke right?"
"Yes, that does happen to be my name."
"You are like beautiful."
"Thank you, that is very nice of you to say."
"We should do dirty things. Or like, fuck."
"No thank you. You are welcome to do them by yourself though."
"You are so beautiful."
"....Thanks...my boyfriend thinks so too."
"You have a boyfriend?"
"Yeah I sure do."
"We should fuck."
"I have a boyfriend, remember how I said that earlier?"
"You are the most beautiful girl ever."
"You have said that quite a few times, I am not going to have sex with you."
"We should fuck."
"I think I will fuck my boyfriend now."

This was only 1/4 of the conversation, and the other 3/4 were just the same things over and over again, until I just got up and went pee for 10 minutes. I, also, don't actually have a boyfriend but I was PRAYING someone would come sweep me off my feet and save me, because I was going to get raped and murdered by Freddy Kruger, and while I was awake! THAT IS NOT HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!! After a few short minutes Tarzan and I decided to GTFO and I couldn't have been more pleased. I arrived home and immediately confided in my bed and the internet to take away my fear of drunken 32 year old men. But I guess he'll probably come back while I dream since he is Freddy Kruger....shit. At least he said I was beautiful 5 million times.

EKOORB STRIKES AGAIN!

    Over the last 4 days I have been laying in bed, drugged up on a little lady called Nyquil because I can't seem to swallow anything, and my tonsils are the size of half dollar coins and I had a 100 degree fever. On Tuesday, I was just being lazy and said I don't want to get out of bed, then by that evening at around 10:00 I was struck with karma...nausea, headache, sore throat, runny nose, and eye crusties were EVERYWHERE! ALL OF THE EYE CRUSTIES!! I was in a lot of pain needless to say. I slept on the bathroom floor for the majority of that night because I was certain I was going to vomit. Guess what? I did. Mass amounts of mucous and I am pretty sure half a bottle of Nyquil. Pretty attractive right? Maybe that is why I am still single, or maybe it is the eye crusties and the refusal to stop picking my nose...either way I am an unattractive ball of woman that no one wants to deal with, and that is alright. So I throw up, and fell asleep on the floor for another hour, 1. because it is comfortable and 2. because the tile was cold and my nervous system was about to get cooked. I woke up and moved onto my empty bed. I looked like Michael J. Fox because I was shaking so hard. I laid down and closed my eye for thirty seconds and was asleep for the next three hours, when I woke up to me being in a puddle of my own sweat. Good news, I sweat out my fever. Bad news, I was covered in sweat.

    So there is this drug out there called Ecstasy. X, E, or Roll as some may call it but Ecstasy all the same. How this little drug works is it boosts your fever up but without the how sick part. Well when your fever is high, your senses are intensified, everything seems much more blatant than before. So I am running a 100 degree fever and I decide to go to Wal-Mart with Griffin Heart. She shows me a blanket that is super soft, I go to pet it....I don't stop petting it. I said this very thing in the middle of Wally World, "This is like being on Ecstasy but legal!" That blanket was so damn fuzzy and I was going to keep touching it until I was that fuzzy. That dream did not come true and then I slept on a bathroom floor, funny how drugs and illnesses end up the same way sometimes. 

    That's the end of my sickness story, I haven't taken my anti depressants in a few days since I don't like to mix incompatible substances together. Ekoorb has been bug-a-luggin to come out and make me out to be a 14 year old again. Dayyyyyum gurl, you get cho lil latina ass back in that chemic'lly u'balanced head of yo's nigga. PROZAC, COME SAVE MY BRAIN FROM SHITTY MUSIC AND HORMONES!!! Oh, also spat on myself in my sleep today. I had a dream that I was smoking, I went to spit and then realized I actually spit on my arm :) GENIUS!

Guide to a drunken Minor.

So as you can tell, I drink...and I drink a lot. The longest I have been sober was 2 weeks in the middle of April because I was too depressed to do anything else besides make money and order large stuffed crust pizzas to eat by myself while I wept from loneliness and played Zelda, since Link was the only man who satisfied me, sexually and mentally. Creepy right? Anyways, I drink on the weekends to protect myself from being a complete alcoholic and because what kind of person drinks in the middle of the week alone? Unhappy married people, rapists and baby killers that's who. But everyone has stages of drunkenness, I have about 4, and I even have pictures to go alone with the layers of drunkenness.

Pretty normal face for me.

First Step: Tipsy
Tipsy Brooke is a normal Brooke, just a little bit less awkward. I am more willing to jump into a conversation, or play a drinking game. This state doesn't last long, for there is more alcohol to be had. Things I have said in this state are, "But cats are animals guys!" And yes, cats most definitely are animals.




Second Step: Low Level Drunk

Not so sober

At this state, our test subject Brooke, will take off her shirt because it is too damn hot to wear one while you are playing pool. This is a good level to be at if you want to go home and not wake anyone up, or if you want to refrain from random outbursts of tears, that of which happens A LOT when I am alone and drunk. Good things I have said,"I feel like you are a faggot if you call me a dainty kisser." I really don't feel dainty when I kiss but I guess its possible.

This might actually be pretty.

Third Step: High Level Drunk:
This phase is the level where I have started smoking other people's cigarettes and I am no longer wearing pants because who needs pants?! I will also start to refuse taking shots at this point because I do not want the next phase to happen. Kissing random people and not comprehending people are also symptoms that I might be highly intoxicated. I have no good quotes from me being drunk at this phase, its all pretty much just me laughing and saying how warm I am with pants on, but I will give you one anyways," If I am ever single again....Man that boy is in troublllllllllle."

I...yeah....no comment

Fourth Step: Blackout
I apparently seduce people into having sex on front lawns, which sadly enough has happened once and possibly another time as well, so yeah twice...I don't get what is so attractive about lawn sex since I am really allergic to grass. This is the blackout phase that I almost never get to because I don't like not knowing what happened from point A to whatever point I might be at in the morning. I have only been here 4 times. I don't enjoy it at all, though its kinda fun to find clues as to what happened that previous night.


So there you have it, a guide to a drunk Brooke, I suck at closing statements so this is the end of the blog. Haters gonna hate!

Awesome.

Remembering Sunday...not.

There is a list of things I will never do again:
1. Mix alcohol and pills.
2. Text people while I am on my sleeping meds, though some funny shit gets said.
3. Get blackout drunk.

I learned this last one the hard way, meaning I don't remember anything from Friday night and I have a lot of bruises EVERYWHERE, so that leads me to believe that I either fell a LOT, probably more than I should've, or was beaten and raped. Moral of this story, never make a pact with someone to get blackout drunk, because it WILL happen, and you WILL be curious why you have bruises and how you woke up with no pants on.

There is this old saying about me that I won't speak of but I found out that it is kinda true, for that I will apologize to two people, Kyle and Chris, because they suffered the wrath of this personality trait like NONE OTHER. No one should have to suffer through it, yet I keep living up to this expectation. If you text me I might tell you what this thing is but there is no need to publicly announce it to the 20 people who read my blog. Sorry folks! You can ask Kyle or Chris and I am sure they will tell you.

Also, I win....at like the majority of my life. Justsayin'.


Watch this: Hella awesome