You know how drug addicts have triggers that set them off and all they do after the trigger is touched is get high? Well I have that but with depression, and without the need to get high. Its cliche and gay and all that but the emotion is still real and annoying. Sometimes it happens though. I'll be totally fine then I am blue for a day and then I am fine again. Knowing me I usually always have a smile on my face and a chipper attitude but today feels completely different. All I want to do is stare. Just stare and think about how worthless everything is and how nothing actually matters and how life sucks. Then I think about karma and how its all my fault in retrospect. In all actuality I would rather be dead, having a whole group of friends mad at you for something you can't control kinda fucking blows. People I have known for years and know I would never intentionally hurt them find that I am a huge target to do exactly that. I don't know what to do, except end it all, but where would I go? Can't be any better than where I am in this point in my life. Whoever you are reading this, don't worry about me, I will be here tomorrow. I am always here.
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