Life since last post.

I miss this. I miss writing to the beautiful people, who are you guys. I feel like if I don't write I am actually just dying slowly in a concentration camp. Anne Frank knows what I mean. Anyways, yeah writing is good I just need some topics. So dearest loyal fans, help me come up with some blog prompts.

Happy New Years!

First blog of the new year. How does it feel you might ask? GREAT! Wanna know why? Because I made it an entire drunken night without taking any of my clothes off AND the first kiss of the new year was my boyfriend who, of which is awesome! Also, audience, boyfriend's name is Branden, he is nameless's friend. Nameless and I though are still very good friends, even to the point where I watched a needle go through his tongue tonight and I didn't even gag! It was a momentous occasion.

So New Years Resolutions. 1. Lose fucking weight. Not because other people have made comments on my weight but because I feel gross when I see myself naked, which means I don't want ANYONE, including boyfriend, to see me naked. That is not bueno. I personally enjoy getting laid.

2. Quit smoking. I don't enjoy being cold just to feed an addiction that will kill me. Point and case.

3. Only do naughty things with people I am dating. 2011 racked up my number a little bit, I am not bueno with it, so, NO MORE one night stands.

4. Get my mutha fucking hair license!! It will be 2 years since I graduated in the next november. Not bueno again.

That's basically it. Except maybe play more shows with my friend Cody Taylor. Who is an amazing musician. He sings and plays gweetar and I sing with him. It just needs to happen. I like being the center of attention when I sing :)

Bah humbug.

I like this bold print so this blog will be bold to represent my seriousness...of which is something I do not possess. Anyways, Christmas always brings out the worst in people. Like 75% of my clothing was given away by a few drug ridden douche bags that don't realize Karma is a huge bitch...believe me I know. Today I have taken the higher road to not say anything rude about anyone or anything, which is hard for me when I am angry. On the other hand I am also thinking about things in my life that need to change. First off, being more committed to everything in my life. Which includes school, not smoking and drinking less. Knowing myself it will be School, smoking one less cigarette a day and drinking more often. Either way I will be pleased. The second thing is I want to lose alllllllll the left over weight I have, even if it means I have to not eat for a week. Seriously, I am sick of it. I am not much of a show off when it comes to having a good body but its been a while since I have taken off my shirt and been completely happy with what I see soooooo I would like any surplus weight to be gone from my bodice. I would also like to be able to wear a bathing suit and not be ashamed. I am a female, I should look like one.

Have a Merry Christmas.....maybe

great.

You know how drug addicts have triggers that set them off and all they do after the trigger is touched is get high? Well I have that but with depression, and without the need to get high. Its cliche and gay and all that but the emotion is still real and annoying. Sometimes it happens though. I'll be totally fine then I am blue for a day and then I am fine again. Knowing me I usually always have a smile on my face and a chipper attitude but today feels completely different. All I want to do is stare. Just stare and think about how worthless everything is and how nothing actually matters and how life sucks. Then I think about karma and how its all my fault in retrospect. In all actuality I would rather be dead, having a whole group of friends mad at you for something you can't control kinda fucking blows. People I have known for years and know I would never intentionally hurt them find that I am a huge target to do exactly that. I don't know what to do, except end it all, but where would I go? Can't be any better than where I am in this point in my life. Whoever you are reading this, don't worry about me, I will be here tomorrow. I am always here.

Sup audience. Its been a long minute, a long minute filled with many sighs and a lot of good stories and a lot of tears. First off, I moved....again. This time it is with my dear friend/brother Daniel, my old friend Tyler, one of my best friends Jordan and then there is Anthony. We live in a small house in Provo and its pretty chill. I am also like 100 times closer to my bestie of besties Heidi. We smoke inside, and play mortal combat all day. We also have a race to the mustache. I actually have to sweep the floor because I lost and clean up an epic cat shit. ANYWAYS! I moved.
Second off, I have a job now, so I have even less time to sit on my ass and write dumb blogs about how retarded I am. My boss, incidentally, asked me out on two dates in high school and I stood him up both times because I guess I would have rather dated a black kid, and a fat asian...at the same time.
Third, my daughter turned three on the first of December and it was 3 years since I had to say goodbye to motherhood and hand that little blessing and responsibility to someone more suitable. Then I got in a tiff with a friend and a boy named nameless, and those two added up together equal not a good time. Luckily, I have a good friend called alcohol. Alcoholic or not, it makes nights go by a little faster and more fun, and Jordan just barked in her sleep....that was weird.

Now to the point of this blog. I have this ex boyfriend, his name is Alex J Peterson. He was my longest relationship, 2.5 years, which was in junior high as well. We used to write each other emails alllll the times and all the days. Sometimes they were cutesy and then some of them were myspace surveys. So I read through all of them and I realized that I have changed significantly and yet again, I haven't changed at all in the last 6 years. My sense of humor seems to be the only thing that has transitioned into adulthood, even then I don't have an "adult" sense of humor...whatever that is. My looks have pretty much stayed the same, except for maybe losing some baby fat in my face. My hair color is exactly the same. I still own half of the clothes I wore back then. Unfortunately I have zero pictures of my childhood or else I would show you. Anyways I am going to recover from a massive hangover. Piddy is how I feel.

Zelda.

If you know me well enough, you know that Link and I have a secret affair. Meaning I will ditch people to go play Zelda if I really feel inclined, which is often. At the moment I am playing Link to the Past and I am so goddamn frustrated I stopped to write a blog because I don't want to go and hang out with anyone. Why you ask? Because as much as Zelda makes me irate, the game can't talk back to me. I could say "Fuck you!" and all it would do is annoy me with its music some more. Not a bad trade off if you ask me. Seriously though, say you are in a fight with a friend and you say fuck you to them and all they do back is slay random creatures when you push b. I find that friendship to be the best one ever. Who needs a boyfriend when you have video games?!

Eventually you get sick of finding your undies in people's pockets.

I feel like when I drink in the middle of the week shitty things happen. In my defense, I was depressed and lonely and I needed to get my mind off of somethings so I drank, which wasn't smart. I confess my undying love to EVERYONE if I drink in the middle of the week. I also have bruises all the way down my legs and I have no idea how that happened. The last time I drank in the middle of the week my underwear was found in my friend's coat pocket, that's cool. So I am going to keep it to the weekends. As much as I love it, I hate it.
I just realized I confess my undying love to everyone when I am sober, but when I am drunk I use the phrase,"I am IN love with you." Also, I never say those things to people I actually like, because that would be kinda weird.

AND I GET TO DRIVE!! ALL WEEK!!